30,000 Deleted Emails

I feel a lot of pressure every time I open my e-mail.  I try to never give out my address but it's very hard nowadays.  If you want to use certain apps or visit certain websites, you HAVE to give them your e-mail address.

Since I post these through Blogger, I have to sign in to my Gmail account which is why I was reminded of this nightmare which will now become the topic.

In the last three minutes, which are still within my first ten minutes of waking up....(Yes, I write these almost immediately after waking up.  It's called "Worthless Cathartic Writings" but that doesn't mean I don't serve them fresh,)  I've come to realize that I have:

A "credit card statement ready" - Why do they word it like that?  They make it seem as if they are JUST NOW ready to take my money and no sooner.  Mind you, I pay it every two weeks, well more than the minimum and always early.  I know I owe you the money.  At no point did I think it was just free money.  I'm 34 and I've had this, my first credit card, for about 3 months now.  If I was under the impression that this was free money, I'd have had 30 of them fifteen years ago.  I'd have used my free money to buy a credit card company and I'd be sending YOU a bill, Capital One.  Relax.

Some shit from Turbotax - Dude, fucking stop.  I file my taxes once a year.  There is no need for any other correspondence. Single, Zero Kids, I don't own anything nor do I run a business.  No services you have other than "tell me how much I overpaid for working in America" are applicable to me.  Taxing my fucking inbox smdh

"35 RECOMMENDED HOMES FOR YOU" - Hi, what's your name again? Zillow?  Oh yeah, we met a few weeks ago when I was toying around with the idea of SOMEDAY buying a house.  I remember specifying a geographical location in your search bar and NOTHING ELSE.  How is it that you think THIRTY-FIVE different houses all fall under the blanket of me wanting to live in them?  Three of the houses are literally unlivable and four others are not even for sale!

I want a house someday, I think.  I don't know though, renting is kinda nice.
"Hey, here's money.  I'm gonna live here and you just gotta make sure all the stuff works always.  Also, the grass is looking a little tall in the back. *winks* I'll have your money for you a week early every month, no need to prepare a statement like those assholes at Mastercard. Thanks."

I do want a house though, hence the searching on Zillow but I'm very picky.  It needs to be in the middle of the woods.  I don't mean like "lots of trees in a quiet neighborhood," I mean like NO NEIGHBORHOOD.  Just a house surrounded by trees.  That's what "middle" means.  There's a house in the center and no visibility through the trees on any side of it.  None of those old ass broken trees either.  I don't need them falling on my shit and fucking up my brand new roof (every house for sale has a new roof).

I'd give my address to very few people.  I don't want politicians at my doorstep with their parade of bullshit pamphlets.  Just a couple of friends and on the off-chance that there is a business that delivers food out to my home in the middle of the woods, they too can have my address.  My e-mail address is already ruined but I have to draw the line somewhere.

Ok that's enough for today.  I have to go a write a rent check, pay my credit card bill and.....OH!  Would you look at that!  AIRBNB WANTS ME TO GO ON ANOTHER VACATION AND THEY HAVE COMPILED SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR ME!