The Useless Twin

I like having a simple name.  I was born James, grew up Jimmy, landed back on James part-time and now I've shortened it to Jim for comedy.  I don't know, for some reason I thought that a three-syllable name with three letters in the first would be luckier for comedy.

That's actually entirely untrue.  I'm not sure why I decided to go with "Jim" on stage aside from it being one of the given nicknames of "James."  Now that I mention the "3s" thing though, I think I might be on to something.  Am I following a pattern that I'm unaware of?

::lights three candles::

My biggest gripe is that I only get the other "m" if I also add a "y" at the end. I don't know who made the rules but this seems unfair.  Maybe I want to be "Jimm" and not "Jim" or "Jimmy."

"Jimmy" is someone's unruly child, rearranging soup cans at the grocery store and pissing on the toilet seat....at that same grocery store.

"Jim" is the straight-laced, straight-faced father of that kid, chasing and chastising him around the store.  Sometimes barking "STAAAAP" through gritted teeth and sometimes just giving that disapproving dad look to get his point across.

...but JIMM!  Who is Jimm?!  I want to know what he's like!  I want to know what it's like living as a person with an extra, erroneous consonant at the end of their name.  I'm sure I'm not alone on this.  I'm sure there are people that want to know a life without that useless twin of a consonant dangling at the end of their address.

I'm talking to you, Brett, Jill, Matt, Scott, Bill.  Let's trade and get a taste of the other life.  I have a feeling two "M"s at the end of my name is going to wear me out after a while but I'd like to try.  I feel like there's a certain expectation of Jimm.  I'm not sure what that is but I'd like to find out and then not fulfill that expectation.